SMOKEY MIRRORS THE MAN BEHIND AUSTRALIA'S FEDERAL, STATE AND TERRITORY GOVERNMENTS DYNAMIC COMMUNICATIONS MACHINERY THE ART OF SPIN OR IS IT INSTEAD SIMPLY LYING? SATIRICAL OBSERVATIONS OF THE LACK OF QUALITY IN, AND CORROSION OF, POLITICS AND GOVERNMENT IN AUSTRALIA Privacy Statement, Uses and Motivation

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Who is Smokey Mirrors? First some background on how people like Smokey Mirrors came to have such powerful roles in Australia's governments. In the last decade of the millennium the profession of communications moved the frontline of Australia's corporate and political strategies. The leaders of Australias' governments had long employed media staff and advisers. Some political observers became aware that the adviser is really the "behind the scenes" Minister of the government. The actual politician, masquerading as "the Minister" is a figurehead. The Labor and Liberal Parties, refined the process of manipulation of opinion, information and belief using sophisticated management and mind bending tools. Some in the communications profession climbed to the top of the political "poop pile" along with the avaricious politicians. Smokey Mirrors is one of them. Smokey is the Director of a covert, behind the scenes, Directorate buried with the Department of the Australian Prime Minister and Cabinet. This Directorate is staffed by 3,927 people, who are sequestered within the precinct of Parliament House, and the public service departments and agencies, in Canberra and Smokey Mirrors has templates throughout Australia's state and territory governments and public service structures. He is the most powerful "Spin Doctor" in Austalia, unknown to media, business and enterprise. Smokey is a mole within the political parties, the Australian Council of Trade Unions, the Australian Conservation Foundation, the unions and the institutions particularly the universities and within business. He is an infiltrator, and one of the the most talented in deep cover, in the public and private sectors, within Australia. He is a missionary in both the physical, and the mental sense, spreading the gospel of the Prime Minister John Howard and the new Liberal Party and any one else who wishes to contract him. Smokey Mirror's preaching is known to annoy former Prime Minister and liberal guardian Malcolm Frazer and failed liberal bright light John Hewson. The primary tools of the Smokey Mirrors Directorates, in each government across Australia, are bamboozlement and doctoring of materials particularly pictures of children in the sea, cut and paste nuclear weapons into landscape scenes, and maps of, Iraq and the government's leisure travel guides of grateful refugees getting a suntan at the Australian Government desert and remote island resorts run by the private police of the Department of Immigration. Smokey manages the Parliamentary Press Gallery in Canberra, the editors of certain newspapers across Australia and some well known opinion journalists and entertainment radio personalities. Particularly the "one eyed" variety. Smokey himself is gregarious yet anonymous. He receives entrails and entreaties quietly and listens to the meanderings of the afflicted. A selection from his soon to be published memoirs and extractsfrom his political diaries can be found below. There is a movie in the offing. Stategies and Strategic Communications in the realm of Smokey Mirrors. Smokey offers enterprise and governments, local governments and similar ilk, including the criminally inclined, special services in miscommunication, covert fraudulence and fatulence. A behind the scenes look at Australia's governance fr4om the jaundiced eye of Kevin R Beck Memo to: Smokey Mirrors Senior Adviser on Mendacity Corridor of Synonyms and Antonyms Office of the Prime Minister of Australia Parliament of the Select Few Canberra From: Philip Ruddock, Attorney General Date: July, 10, 2006 Dear Mr. Mirrors I urgently need a plan for the unfortunate events that have occurred in the USA with the Surpeme Court ruling that the holiday camp for recalcitrant and seriously ugly types is ilegal under the US Constitution. I know, from experience, that you cannot trust judges. They should be put in detention until they see the errors of their ways. When will they ever get it that we, the political class (not all of us, just a few of the class) are in charge. Now there is a problem that Hicks (I hate him, I hate him, I hate him) is covered by the Geneva Convention and might be sent home! Imagine how stupid we would look then. More stupid than I (we) look now. I am a lawyer and I said that the process was fair. So did John (he's a lawyer) and so did Alexander. He's not a lawyer he is just a whimp who mimics me and John. Neverthelees he has been engaged in foreign affairs (I should tell the media) for a long time. Anjyway now we neede a plan because as lawyers we do not look as if we know anything about teh law, legal system or the rule of law. John doesn't. He made a deal with Costello and went back on it. He tells some porkies. More than I do actuallyu. My peers are questioning my ability and legal capacity! I want to be a judge myself one day and then I'll show them a thing or to. But when I mentioned this to one of the heads of one of the many law societies over lunch he puked in his plate! Must have been something he ate. We cannot have Hicks facing a fair trail. He will not be convicted because most of what we say he did we made up on the word of the imtelligence community. The same chaps who did weapons of mass destruction papers for us. The President wants to close Camp Guantanamo and move everyone to Camp David for a barbecue. If John and Jeanette go there they may run into Hicks and his family. That will make John puke. Costello made John puke in his office yesterday and he cannot get the smell out. So what can you offer. We need even bigger whopping lies now to overshadow the lot we already have. And what about me becoming a judge? Fond regards to you Smokey Mirrors Senior Adviser on Mendacity Corridor of Synonyms and Antonyms Office of the Prime Minister of Australia Parliament of the Select Few Canberra Date: June, 29, 2006 Dear Mr. Mirrors We have never been introduced. My name is Paul Lennon, no relation to John. I am Premier of Tasmania. I have a problem and am told that you provide tuition in dissembling tactics and general lying to parliament and the public at large. My public is not that large and the audience is not that discerning but nevertheless. I am a man of simple words, and concepts, and I hope that when you respond you will not use words longer than two syllables. My problem is that the Deputy Premier, Bryan Green (he is definately that)did a deal with two labor mates. One was a former Minister in the Tasmanian labor government (John White is his current name) and the other comes from the sate of cowboys and corruption, Queensland where people who are sick can die comfortably in a hospital instead of at home. His current name is Glen Milliner. Well the deal was to give them a secret contract ti run the Tasmanian Compliance Corporation. Secret because Mr. Green did not tell anyone. He never told me and I deny the allegation that he did. I like John Howard am never told anything. Based on not knowing what I was not told (I like Rumsfled's simlicity in this regard about the tghings we do not know that we don not know) I stupidly trusted a public servant (as John Howard does) who apparently gave me a number missing a zero. I spouted it in parliament and it was wrong, wrong, wrong. Nothing new in that because I then went into spin doctrine number 1. This can be found in the "New Testament According To Lennon" p.1. It is a two page document with one of the pages being the cover. I wrote it all by myself. I will not tolerate anyone repeating that it is really a rhyme about Humty Dumpty! KEVINRBECK wrote on his stupid web site that it was a simple statement about "Corrupting Tasmania's government and Public Administration to hang onto power". Boy will he get his one day. Beter to ignore him, he uses big words so I ignore him. What is the Tasmanian Compliance Corporation? You may well ask. I have no idea which again is not unusual. It apparently accredits builders. It is avery nice and lucrative business. Rude people say that it just takes annual fees of $500 and does nothing! Well waht is wring with that. I do it all the time and so do others in government, although I (we) get a lot more than $500 a week. Anyway, I said that the opposition were turkeys and then they heard me gobbling in my office. I have an unusual terets type reaction to other politicians and to anyone in general particularly if they do not salute. I like to dress up in Roman General outfits and on occasion in leather with jack boots on. That is by the by. So then I gave Green a serve and he vomited on my boots. I have instigated an audit into his life and anything else as long as it is not about me or my government, the Tasmanian Compliance Corporation and Queensland hospitals or ours down here. Dangerous you might well say? Well an audit in Tasmania is not like an audit anywhere else. I am the auditor. The people who do it for me are considered mates too. Provided that they do the right thing by me. If they are not they get fired or worse ignored. I am willing to pay you a big fee or put you on a board of something in terurn for a rewrite of the above manual. I await in anticipation. You can come and play dress up too, if you want. Paul Lennon, The Honourable Important Person Memo to: Smokey Mirrors Senior Adviser on Mendacity Corridor of Synonyms and Antonyms Office of the Prime Minister of Australia Parliament of the Select Few Canberra From: Mark Vaile, Deputy Prime Minister and Minister for Trade Date: April 10,2006 Dear Mr. Mirrors I am to appear before the Cole Royal Commission soon. I have bought a new dictionary to learn words of many syllables. I am not all that worried because the Prime Minister assures me that he has framed the whole thing, terms of reference and the Chronicles of Periphrastic within the Departments, so that no one can point to me or Alex or him for being incompetent. In fact no one can point to anything because there is nothing to point to. Your team has worked assiduously to create second set of records that are perspicuous in every way. You are indeed perspicacious. I am very worried about this. I thought we had a well honed policy of looking at things and deciding what people are allowed to know what and what story we will tell others. However I must learn to string two sentences together with credibility if I am to get through this. I am, at the instigation of the Prime Minister's Chief of Staff, undergoing amnesia therapy along with the Minister for Foreign Affairs, so that I appear credible when I say that I did nor read the cables from over there (you know where) and never ever was told that I had. I will be pertinacious even to the political death. I will develop a pertussis on the morning of the appearance. I will hold firm until this pestiferous, and interferring, Royal Commission goes away. We can then get on with the public evisceration of the AWB mob. About the cables. I have always had trouble reading the comics and prefer to gave my information given to me on speaking cassettes. Sometimes the tape gets caught in the eight track of the holden ute and it comes out garbled. That is why when I repeat it I sound garbled. The PM says that I need to be coached by you. I'll have my personal assistant book a time. I remember when we were sworn into Ministerial office that you told us to stand in front of a mirror every day and say, "I did not know", "I was not told" and "I have never read anything of substance". This in addition to either, "I have no recollection" or "I cannot recall." My wife, children and mother in law are very annoyed because this constant rote has caused me to forget their names. Alexander whispers the rote lessons in his closet so because he says the echo is both soothing and reinforcing. He has a lot of other things in his closet that are soothing and reinforcing. I have asked my staff if I knew and they reassure me that I do not know anything. I rang Bush's office and asked his secretary if she thought I knew. She did not know who I was and threatened to ring the FBI if I kept calling. She said George Bush had never heard of me. I am nervous about this. I stammer and appear sweaty when I get questioned closely particularly by real lawyers, not the charlatan types that hang around these corridors masquerading as politicians. Do I look shifty? What way will I part my hair and what colour tie should I wear? An email from a constituent suggested yellow. I look in the mirror and my eyes are shrunken from trying to lean my answers. It is hard applying myself for more than a few minutes at a time. I think I'll take a leaf out of the PM's book and blame someone else, I'll blame Alexander. I am taking the regular weekly classes with your staff. I got an "A" in Memory Gymnastics 101 and a "B" in "Somewhere Over the Rainbow Policy Rhetoric". Next I will be doing "The Mr. Bojangles Soft Shoe and Ministerial Impressions"..." I knew a man Bojangles and he' dance for you in worn out shoes...the old soft shoe, he'd jump so high ... and then he'd lightly touch down..." I also hum the conservative party anthem as much as possible, whilst whacking myself with a tuning fork. I love that anthem, "If you go down to the woods to day, you better not go alone ...today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic". Wish me luck and oh by the way I'd really like to keep the Trade Portfolio because I have learned the technique of "flatus" when dealing with trade negotiators. Your admirer Mark Vaile MEMORANDUM TOP SECRET Date: Flexible, early 2005 TO: Smokey Mirrors, Director of Communications Australian Government (and coincidentally the White House) And Special Forces Rapid Rebuttal Team of Truth and Criticism Spin Room 24 Corridor of Synonyms, Antonyms Parliament House, Canberra, Australia. From: Minister for Immigration, Indignant Affairs and Department of Extreme, and Dangerous, Stupidity Dear Mr. Mirrors I write on issues of high priority. There has been a litany of misfortunes besetting my portfolio, which was handed down to me by Lord Syth, who has moved on to become "Overseer General", Caesar of the Legal Maze and Minister, Department for Home Raids and Variable Intelligence. Among the several hundred disasters and crimes against humanity committed by dedicated types and cultually challenged despots in my new department is the case of a woman of advanced age, somewhere between 104 and 110, an illegal, lurking in the suburbs causing the Department, due to pragmatic regard for the interest of the Australian government, over that of public interest and humanity, someone did not make a decision about her status, as they do and should. Some rude people are calling my portfolio a lumbering one, full of an inordinate number of dills and practitioners of the dark arts. Some of these people have been following me around for many years transferring from my previous responsibilities in education, employment, justice, immigration, multicultural and indigenous and I will discuss a new image with you at a later date, particularly in relation to hair. Have you observed Senator Coonan and Brendan Nelson's hair? What do you think of the styling? I digress, back to the more pressing issues. This chinese woman was one of many threatening the very fabric of Australian society as we know and love it. The old girl has been here for ten years, and unlike the other illegals who are all locked up in the government's desert resorts getting a suntan, or in our inner city five star abodes, this person is running lose in the community. Yes, yes I know what you are thinking, ten years have I been s-lumbering waiting for a frog to kiss me? There is some consistency here in that she, and the family, were being mentally tortured through waiting, which is consistent with the policy for treatment of all illegals who are waiting endlessly at our, my and others, pleasure as granted by the High Court of Australia, but questions were being asked as to why we did not lock her up like everyone else? I wanted to! We wanted to! The majority of Australians wanted to and so did the President of the United States, in whom we trust, want us to and we have been kindly offered places in Cuba for those difficult cases that can be embarrassing. Sierra Leone is looking a good alternative. We are always reticent to break down the door in the dead of night and render people a ‘non threat’ because lawyers, refugee advocates and other do-gooders and other enemies of the state, for which we have no regard, are everywhere and ASIO has refused to do these things. Additionally this woman could not be portrayed as a wandering lunatic nor a passing tourist of uncertain heritage and vocal nuances, even though she, and they, probably can’t speak real English, as we know it. We deported Alvarez and locked up Rau, but people of advanced age and particular heritage can be influential. The Chinese community is well networked and resourced. You know that they have all of the white from Bendigo, Castlemaine and elsewhere which they gathered up before James Cook discovered Australia. They own all of the good restaurants, pleasure parlours, and venues frequented by an influential cross section of business, community, liberal party supporters and even some of our own parliamentary members. They have so much money that offering them $600,000 to dredge their pool or local creek, using the very special vote-buying fund for elections, and other government interests, that we used in late 2004 does not entice them. They will however consider a swap for a casino but we don’t have any. We will have to grant any chinese person of chinese origin a pass! Now we have the Palmer Report, a most revealing insight into the warped mind of people reflecting the image of their political master of past years gone by. This unwelcome document dissects how an Australian resident was locked up for a serious amount of time and toirtured mentally becuase she was deemed to be an unidentifiable, illegal immigrant. There are 200 more, give or take a dozen or twenty or fifty cases, who f--- knows! that are also about to hit the fan and splatter all over my new dress. At wits end I am seeking deployment of your Special Forces ‘rapid rebuttal’ team, skilled in the use of antonyms, and synonyms, to reduce the pending Palmer document to toilet paper. The ideas you put forward should be as creative as the lines and justification used for the Iraqi invasion, denial and then approval of the additional military deployment, last announced by the Prime Minister, who is friend of George Bush, in whom we trust. You might be able to reuse the Children Overboard Pictures. Why waste a proven good piece of smoke and mirrors. Pictures shuld be cropped and presented in optional formats. The solutions must show as much innovation as our proposals for industrial relations and general management of Australia. By the way, you must be complimented for arranging a rechristening, by the New York Times, of our PM, to "Premier of Australia" during his last visit to America. This yet again, demonstrates the high esteem in which our PM is acknowledged, known, held, and observed, by the highly educated media, and others, in the USA. You are continually smoothing the PM’s future path onto the American speaking circuit although some are wondering how you will overcome the propensity he has for talking through his nose and whining? Do you know when, and if, he will decide to allow Pete Cossytallow to smell the leather chair and sit at the borer infested timber desk that JW polishes every morning with his sweaty, (free with a packet of weeties and mobile phone), track suit top? Is it true that you are arranging entry to the US hall of fame, for special people who are loyal to the White House and Dubya, with attendant honourary citizenship? I would like to put my name down and I have been practicing my American and I watch all of the TV programmes to get an idea of the culture and nuances. The synonyms you have made up for Parrot Rhymes, Minister for Defence, to use in the Senate Estimate hearings, are breathtaking and wondrous indeed. The art of using the same repetitive phrase in answer to 100 questions really gets on the opposition's goat. Then there are the gems you created for the PM such as, ‘I had a change of heart’, ‘we did not contemplate’, " I do not give a rats as to your contrary opinion", "the truth is whatever I deem it today to be", "I never remember yesterday", "I was never minded", "No snot told me", and those killer statements that roll of his tongue flowing seamlessly, "I was finally persuaded", "I found a heart," "after contemplating I became minded" and that classic used by every politician in Australia, "the reality is at the end of the day". I look forward to a speedy reply and remain yours as ever in my dreams. J. W. Philamandalexclone Minister for Immigration, Indignant Affairs and the Department of Extreme, and Dangerous, Stupidity. Playing Touch In Australia's Senate Senator, the Honourable, "The Finger" McGauran PARLIAMENTARY ETIQUETTE Dear Finger McGauran I write on the matter of your raised digit to Honourable Members of Australia's Senate, the upper house, owned solely by the mandate claimed by the coalition of the liberal and national parties, now ,and in the past by the Australian Labor Party, but never by the people of Australia. Dr. Snark Darble, the concierge, and Secretary, of Prime Wines and Cabernet, rang me and asked me to view a video of your latest non verbal contribution to debate in the Australian Senate. I note that your gesture was a result of a Division outcome and that it demonstrated your potential to be double jointed, finger dextrous, entertaining and decisively riveting all at once. The bells ringing have been known to seriously disturb the "representative swill" as a former Prime Minister described the members of the chamber. By comparison to you there are many members of parliament who cannot chew gum and walk at the same time. So what a feat the finger is. We clapped loudly here in the Corridor of Spin at parliament House, Snark was jealous at first of your notoriety and then he was concerned. Concern is rare for Snark but it has been more apparent an attribute as he has battled depression following his release from Villawood Detention Centre where he was inadvertently interred by Immigration, for a period of seven months, whilst on a walking assignment in Lakemba, NSW looking for a souvlaki. Snark’s language skills, dialect and intonation make it difficult to identify him as a citizen of anywhere least of all Australia. However I digress. We here at the Department of Incremental Synonyms, Slight of Hand and Antonyms (DISSA) have debated the value of the use of the finger as a mechanism for serious debate,and code signalling, during question time. It contains more substance, passion and sense than your normal contribution to parliamentary debate. I ran it past Brillcream Turkey for comment and inspiration, he guffawed and smarmied a response in guttural chit chat but the Telstra exhange machine between here and his office in Western Australia, that gets you numbers when you talk to it in Intel speak, kept referring us to an operator for translation of Wil’s voice content. I deciphered after a spell however that he thought you were brighter than Barnaby who he clearly flagulated with the incisive wit, and articulation, for which Iron Bar is known and loved by all in sundry. I was going to ask your brother, Peter, the Hnourable Minister for Dirt, Grass and Little Piggies, and from time to time masquerading as the Man from Snowy River, what he thought but then realised that he has been heavily involved with tractors, potatoes and sticky labels. Some people have given him the finger and he may be biased and irritable about it. He is being lead down the veritable garden path by his new department who are second guessing him, second guessing consumers, farmers, food and the food and grocery council, restaurant and caterers and every other person who may know about the evils of apples from NZ and irradiated prunes from anywhere and what is in biscuits, buns, fruit juice and bread other than sugar. Peter could adopt the finger as a response in his speeches and in interacting with others. After all of this we decided that it might be a family trait from having lived and grown up in middle erath Victoria. Feeling left out of being an average battler and stuff like that or it could simply be a country trait of friendship and familiarity similar to what happens when wearing shorts and playing rugby league. The President of the Senate said it was unseemly but not obscene. We have referred it to Big Brother for adjudication. You are my Australian idol and I remain yours and others too Smokey Mirrors Director of Miscommunications and Synonyms and Antonyms< Australian Government. cc. Shnark Darble Minister Assising the Minister Assisting the Minister Senator, the Honourable, Barney Jokester LESSONS IN THE AUSTRALIAN CONSTITUTION Dear Barney I write on behalf of the Prime Minister the Honourable, and reverred Sir Robert Menzies, reincarnated as John Winston Howard. The Honourable, the Prime Minister, friend of George Bush and Oprah Winfrey, has asked me to tell you that he does not appreciate a lecture in the Australian Constitution which he studied in school and has a copy on his book shelf. He is up to page two and says that it is a bit dry and he does not believe (a) that you can read for your are from Queensland and (b) even if you could you have not got through it faster than him. If you have you should be polite enough not to say so publicly. He thinks you are quoting from the little book of Mao. I think he was jealous at first of your notoriety and the fact that you have got more television coverage in two days than he has had in his career. Then he was concerned when he saw you muscle up to the aged and very dog eraed Senator Heffer who the Honourable the Prime Minister definitely knows cannot read and gas never heard of the Constitution. The Honourable the Senator Heffer knows well enough that role of a Senator is whatever John Winston Howard says it is when he says so.. Are you serious, for real? The PM thinks you are new and that you are young and that you are frivolous and he thinks you are frisky and that you are cute and that you have nice eyes. He likes your chubby cheeks and naive grin. He would like to invite you to late night supper with him and the sardonic, and very likeable, Brillcream Turkey who is a fan of yours, and Wils would like to introduce you to the ritual of the Iron Bar. Do you have a sixties flared suit? It is initiation time and you should not be playing hard to get. The Prime Minister invites you to join that most exclusive of clubs, the party room, that owns Parliament House, every bloody room and every chair and the chambers and the walls and the roof where you were seen looking whilst lounging in the Senate Chamber on the fisrt day. We have pictures, you lay about! The partv room wrote the Constitution, the Bible, the Qran, the Book of Jobe and the script for Silence of the Lambs and is a Noble Prize winner and is just the ants pants. Get with the programme slick lest you be bedevilled with dreams and nightmares of a life without patronage, condemned for ever to be a servant of the people. Yuck! Excuse any spelling mistakes and eat this communication after you receive it. We here at the Department of Incremental Synonyms, Slight of Hand and Antonyms (DISSA) do not like smartie pants who quote from things we have never actually seen, JW, has the only copy of the Australian Constitution and is having it reprinted for a modern age. The President of the Senate said you were unseemly in your comments but not obscene. We have referred this matter the liberal and national party privileges committee and your lunch vouchers have been suspended until Telstra is sold. Swell Big Hair, Minister for Shares, Starts and Silent Farts, says she is not phased by your recalcitrant behaviur and bragging about your ability to read. She has bags of money to give away and knows that the Nats and the Bugs can be bought for a few pieces of silver. If you contiue to quote from the Constitution and statethat you represent that bloddy state of Cane Toads you will be pissed upon from a great height by liberal headkicker and headache Spruce Pine and his most senior mate Terdy About. So be very careful for what you wish for. You are the new boy on the block And remain mine and others too until graduation Smokey Mirrors Director of Snide Asides, Synonyms and Antonyms Ref: DIMIA 12345 17 February 2005 Mr. Stateless Person of Interest Suite 4 Red Wing Baxter Resort South Australia Dear Stateless Person of Interest This communication with you conforms to the Australian Cabinet approved Book of Synonyms and Antonyms, as edited by Smokey Mirrors, for use in telling anyone about anything. Thanks for your letter of 4 September 2001 relating to your request for special consideration for compassion and release. I was surprised to receive your letter, because I was not aware that people such as you could write. I hope that you have not been undertaking schooling whilst in your special place, because that is not allowed. If you were to tell me confidentiality who wrote the letter for you I might look upon your case more favourably. Here I should state, that the fact you are twelve years old cuts no ice and it is time someone pointed out to you, and all the other `illegal? types like you, in the world, the reality, at the end of the day. Under authority, conferred upon me by the Queen of England, and endorsed by the Cabinet of the Australian government with the acquiescence of the Australian people and the guidance of Smokey Mirrors, the Director of Communications of the Australian Liberal Party and coincidentally of the White House, you are to be placed under contribution. As an extra benefit, the High Court of Australia has ruled that we are in charge of your life and can detain you at our, and especially my, pleasure, for as long as I/we like. It may not yet be clear to you that we, in Canberra, the government, and autocracy of this great nation, do like to and as the Australian refugee group says, you should Chilout (http://www.chilout.org). I want you to be fully aware of our rights as specified under the unilateral provisions for the War on Diversity and Culture, adopted by Australia, in complementary and unquestioning acceptance from our supreme political church leader, George Bush, President, of the United States, in whom we trust. As an incarcerated non-citizen, here in Australia, in Iraq, Egypt, Afghanistan, Cuba or anywhere else we and our associates may choose, you are subject to being watched, inspected, and spied upon, directed, law-driven, numbered, regulated, enrolled, indoctrinated, preached at, and controlled. You can be checked, estimated, valued, censured, and commanded. This is public pretext of general interest and we do this, on behalf of the superior people of the great nations of Australia and the United States in whom we trust, hallelujah and the representative of God on earth be praised and no it is not the Pope I am referring to! I may require, and I do, that you be drilled, fleeced, exploited, monpolilised, extorted from, squeezed, hoaxed and be robbed of your liberty. If you show the slightest resistance, the private police, military and media advisers, psychiatrists on our payroll and any others we deem qualified, regardless of mental agility and intelligence quotient may interview and interrogate you. In doing so they may carry guns, work with dogs and other unspecified animals, feel you up, pull down your panties, snigger and take pictures etc. You may be subject to harassment, be hunted, be abused through torture or other device, without recourse to any rule of law or justice for you are a non citizen, a persona non gratis and a low life by comparison to us. If we choose, and we do, you may be vilified and condemned, without proof, for throwing your children over board, for surviving the sinking of Siev ? X or for being deemed to be in possession of weapons of mass destruction and for consorting with known or suspected terrorists at school, which we know was really a training camp. You may be held on suspicion of being person of a particular unacceptable descent, or belief, who has no regard for God?s chosen nation, the United States of America, and the President, in whom we trust. You, or your family or countrymen, may be bombed and there is no requirement upon us, or the Americans with whom we travel, to count the numbers of how many we kill. You may be clubbed, disarmed, shot at and killed, stripped naked, be made to simulate sex or any other activity that we of the `coalition of the willing? and the divine of right may decide. You may be bound, checked, imprisoned (in your own country or here), judged, condemned, deported, sacrificed, sold, and betrayed. That is the system of government here in Australia and in places where the United States has neat technology, lots of hardly educated soldiers and likely commercial interests. That is justice and that is morality, and you have no recourse according to Proudhon, in Nozick, 1974. You might like to console yourself that we are not biased. Officers from the department lock up Australians, French visitors on holidays and passing Koreans and anyone else we find wandering on the streets that do not speak or look Australian. In Egypt, Iraq and Afghanistan, Pakistan, Cuba and anywhere we are we may if we desire do similar stuff and we don?t have to tell what we are doing and no one cares much anyway. We are in search of the elusive Bin 29 and I hope for your sake that you do not know where he is. We may come and search your suite at Baxter soon and if not satisfied may send you to another facility, overseas, for mental reclamation and restructure, where we may put electric wires on your genitals to see if we can make your eyes glow. It is fruitless to consider petitioning the Australian parliament, for we have what we term a ?bipartisan policy? and it is the right of the liberal, national and labor parties that make up the majority of the House of Representatives and the Senate to decide how you may be incarcerated and treated. In any event the coalition of the John Howard government and the Republican Party of the USA, under the blessed President, George Bush, shall be in charge of the Australian Senate, come mid 2005. The proposition that representatives, Greens, Democrats and Independents, should have any influence is laughable and a fantasy. There are still pockets of resistance that are putting it about that that this action is perpetrated by creatures who have neither the right or the wisdom, nor the virtue to do so, but that is not our view. Therefore, based on our compelling rights over yours, your request for special consideration on the grounds of clemency, humanity, morality, conscious regard, decency, religion, fear of loss of life, pending insanity, inhumane treatment, the rules of the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, international law and covenants, Geneva Convention, United Nations crap, the Bible and the Koran or any other book in publication or not, is hereby denied. We, me and others in this nation, know that this is disappointing, but we will keep your details on file should another position in Australia come up and please do not hesitate to apply again. Please note, children of the age of twelve are not allowed to smoke in Australia and definitely not in a government building. Do you not know that smoking is a health hazard? As an aside if by chance, at the time of next federal election, you should have relatives, living in Australia, in regional national party and liberal party electorates, or in the very remote possibility you have been released on a "permit" you or they may be eligible for a grant up to $400,000, and a free mobile phone, to open a café or take away business under our "gravy train" and "pig barrel" programmes. The Australian liberal party at the federal level can make pigs fly. Yours sincerely John. W. Howiephilamandalexhill - Clone. Group Minister of the Australian Government Cc: Ms Cornelia Rau, Australia, Mr. M. Habib Australia, and Mr. David Hicks, Cuba.